5 Things My Trilingual Husband Taught Me About Learning a New Language
You know those people who are just really, really, ridiculously good at languages? Who speak a second or a third language with complete ease and fluency, and have zero self-consciousness about it?
That’s my husband. Born and bred in Barcelona, he’s a native speaker of Spanish and Catalan, and is also fluent in English (thankfully, otherwise those first few years of our relationship would have been very interesting!).
Here in Catalonia, polyglots are a pretty common thing. Most locals are bilingual by default, with Catalan the primary language taught in schools, and Spanish also widely spoken (bolstered by the huge amount of Spanish movies/TV shows/music they’re exposed to, and reggaeton).
And plenty of my non-Catalan friends and colleagues speak three or four languages. In fact, many are raising kids who can speak up to five languages, thanks to having multicultural parents.
My point is: lots of people are good at languages. And if you’re surrounded by such people, it can make the task of learning a new language all that more daunting.
When you’re living in another country, it’s easy to put pressure on yourself to quickly pick up the local language, especially if you’re comparing yourself to other foreigners who seem to be speaking it just fine.
This was my case when I moved to Barcelona. And it’s definitely held me back in the past when it came to connecting with others, or simply being able to express myself.
But one thing that has helped and inspired me massively is seeing how effortlessly my husband picked up English as a third language (I can picture him rolling his eyes right now as he reads this, but it’s true!).
So, here is everything he’s (inadvertently) taught me about learning a new language.
1. Fake it till you make it
A bit of background about Chris. We met in London a bit over 10 years ago. I’d been living there for six months, and he had just arrived a couple of weeks earlier.
Despite having a decent command of English when he first landed, he still struggled. He remembers going to job interviews and not understanding a word of what the interviewers were saying, let alone being able to respond. One recruiter even flat-out told him, without an ounce of tact, that his level of English wasn’t good enough to find a job (seriously, who does that?).
None of this put him off, though. Chris was determined to stick it out. And rather than seeing each rejection as a setback, he started using them as an opportunity.
After a few interviews, he started getting pretty familiar with the process. He noticed the same questions kept coming up each time, without fail. He’d go home and list them down, then write out his responses to them. He then memorised his responses, following that script whenever he went for a new interview.
It wasn’t long before he got a job within his field. And from there, the opportunities kept coming. Fast forward 10 years later, and Chris now manages a remote team entirely in English. He’s also given presentations at conferences in the U.S. Safe to say, his “limited” English all those years ago was able to take him pretty far!
So memorise those responses for a job interview. Prepare conversation topics to use in social situations. Write down all your questions for that parent/teacher interview, and bring them in with you.
Sometimes, you just need to buy some time to grow into a new language. In the meantime, don’t be afraid to fake it — chances are, you’ll build the skills you need faster than you expect.
2. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes
I don’t know about you, but for me, the thought of making mistakes when speaking another language is mortifying. It’s seriously one of my biggest cringes. I don’t know why — maybe because I’m a perfectionist, or maybe because I’m self-conscious that making a grammatical slip-up or not knowing the word for something will somehow make me look stupid.
But in all likelihood, I’m probably overthinking it. As a non-native Spanish speaker, I doubt anyone would expect me to speak it perfectly — so why do I? (Plus, Spanish grammar is notoriously difficult — even the locals don’t always get it right!)
Chris certainly never let this hold him back when we were living in London. For him, being able to communicate and express himself was always more important than saying things correctly. Even if he did make a mistake or two, he’d always get the message across regardless.
One excellent technique that I picked up from him was simply to use the English word for something, if I didn’t know how to say it in Spanish. The listener will usually know what you’re trying to say, either from the context, or because the word might be similar in their language. And they’ll usually give you the translation for it, which is great for your learning!
Being confident in speaking a language doesn’t require you to speak it perfectly. So, accept that you’re going to make mistakes, and give yourself room to do so — your mistakes will lead to more meaningful conversations than staying silent ever will.
3. Classes will only get you so far
Now, here’s one that’s a bit tricky to hear, especially if you’ve invested a lot of time and money into taking classes. There’s definitely a place for lessons when you’re learning a new language, especially if you want to get an idea for the fundamentals of the language, and how the grammar works.
But unless you’re actually putting what you’re learning into practice, it’s all just theory. And those lessons won’t really stick until you have to use them in real-life scenarios.
Like most of his generation, Chris studied English at school. But if you ask for his honest opinion, he’ll tell you that it wasn’t overly useful. Which I kind of understand — despite English being widely taught, not many locals are comfortable speaking it.
What made the most difference for him was learning through different mediums (which I’ll cover in point #4), and, above all, finding chances to practice speaking.
Whether that’s going to a meetup or language exchange, finding a buddy who’s willing to practice with you, or even hiring a private tutor with whom you can practice having conversations with, the key is to get comfortable using the language regularly and in a variety of contexts.
Group meetups and language exchanges can offer a relaxed, social environment where you can chat with other learners and native speakers, and get a feel for real-world conversational flow. On the other hand, a language buddy or tutor gives you more focused, personalised practice. If you're still building confidence, one-on-one sessions can help you work on specific areas you struggle with, without the fear of making mistakes in front of a group.
The main takeaway: it’s important to try to put yourself in situations where speaking becomes second nature, even if that means stepping out of your comfort zone.
Another trick that helped Chris tremendously was thinking in English, even when he was alone. Instead of mentally translating everything from his native language, he’d challenge himself to describe his surroundings or even plan his day in English. This can also help you get more comfortable with the language and can improve your fluency over time.
At the end of the day, it’s all about finding what works for you and creating opportunities to speak, listen, and engage with the language as much as possible. The more you integrate it into your life, the more natural it becomes, turning practice into progress.
4. Learn in different ways
One of the most underrated ways to learn a new language is through media — whether that's movies, TV shows, podcasts, or even music. As a teen and young adult, Chris learned a lot by watching English-language shows with subtitles, and playing video games. It not only helped him pick up new words and phrases, but he also got a feel for the rhythm of the language, slang, and even cultural nuances that aren’t always taught in class. And I think we can all agree that it’s probably a little funner than working out of a textbook or language app.
You could also try integrating the language into different areas of your life. For instance, when Chris was learning, he’d switch his phone settings to English. This forced him to navigate everyday tasks using the language. Small changes like that can go a long way in reinforcing what you’ve learned without even feeling like you’re studying.
Try labeling things around your home in your target language or changing your social media accounts to reflect it. Listen to your favorite songs and try to decipher the lyrics; it’s a great way to pick up idiomatic expressions and phrases that can help you really sound like a local. Watching content relevant to your hobbies, such as cooking shows, travel vlogs, or even local news, can help you learn vocabulary related to your interests while giving you insight into the culture.
In short: mixing up your learning methods not only keeps things fresh and exciting, but can also help you build a deeper connection to the language and the people who speak it.
5. Find the humour in the chaos
Above all, remember this: cross-cultural misunderstandings will happen. Things will get lost in translation. Thankfully, they won’t be that serious most of the time, and you’ll be able to laugh them off. In fact, finding humour in these moments can be one of the best ways to ease the awkwardness and keep yourself motivated to keep learning.
One story that still makes me laugh to this day happened when we were living in London. Chris came home from the gym after an intense spin class, telling me how his instructor had seemed really angry, inexplicably yelling “OH MY GOD!” throughout the class. Chris had no idea why, but needless to say, he wasn’t super keen on going back. After racking my brain as to why the instructor might have been doing that, I realised that Chris had misunderstood — he had actually just been yelling “On my count!” very enthusiastically. 😆
So yes, you’ll probably order the wrong thing on the menu at some point, and use a false friend for a word that has a completely different meaning. But by finding humour in the chaos, you take the pressure off yourself to be perfect, and you create space to enjoy the journey.
After all, some of the best parts of language learning come from those unexpected, sometimes silly, moments where things don’t go quite as planned but still end up being fun (and make for a hilarious story, even years down the track). So don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself; you’re learning, and that’s what counts.
Final thoughts
If there’s one overarching lesson I’ve learned from Chris, it’s that mastering a language is about connection, not perfection. Embrace mistakes and engage in real-life practice, because every awkward moment is an opportunity to grow. Those experiences will not only boost your fluency, but might also enrich your life with some pretty unforgettable stories.
Language learning is a journey filled with ups and downs, but it’s in those messy, unpolished, and sometimes vulnerable moments where you might just be able to be yourself - and where you’ll be able to create meaningful connections with others.
How has your experience been with learning a new language? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.
